5 Ways Towards a New Way of BE~ing for 2013:

5 Ways Towards a New Way of BE~ing for 2013:

  1. ENVISION what you would like to be "doing different". Write down the specifics. The more details you add, the more tangible it becomes. As a suggestion, come up with a word and use this word as a template for all areas of your life.
  2. DO IT.  Jump on in. Don’t think too much about it. Consider it an experiment in living... it can be tweaked along the way, and if you find yourself reverting to old patterns, direct yourself back to the NEW PATTERN you are establishing, and understand that although it might seem unfamiliar for a bit, with enough practice this new pattern will become your new normal.
  3. COLLABORATE. Get others involved… tell them what you are envisioning, and let them know ahead of time how they can support you.
  4. THINK OPTIMISTICALLY. And, if you find yourself with a discouraging thought, cut yourself some slack… acknowledge that it is just that… a thought. You are not your thoughts, and you have the ability to change them.
  5. Take an ordinary, everyday situation, SLOW DOWN AND STOP each day and OBSERVE without judgment. BE PRESENT. CONNECT…. With the moment, with your peoples, and thus connect with the true you.


Intentionally Yours in 2013,



Christmas Group Therapy


Just YELL louder, right?

"Usually what people do in a relationship crisis is more of the same thing they have been doing, only more intensely and more anxiously."

-Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D., taken from 'Extraordinary Relationships- A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions'.


If your partner doesn't understand your argument, you must not be yelling loud enough, right? "Oh, I see what you're saying now, thank you for yelling louder so that my pea-brain was finally able to get it. Thank you for finally enlightening me! I am so lucky I am with you, sweetheart! You always set me straight." Is this how it goes for you?  My guess is that the more you yell, the more your partner digs his or her heals in to his or her position and the two of you become 'polarized' in your views. When anxiety decreases sufficiently, thoughtfulness can be applied, and you each can begin to think about the problem and your contribution. A pattern in the relationship is revealed that may not be serving either of you well, but without interruption, the pattern can take on a life of its own.


That's right. Trying to change your partner is going isn't going to get you anything but more frustration. Marriage and family therapists are trained to work with you and your partner, or you as an individual, to interrupt these unwanted patterns and get you more of you want in your relationship.

Intentionally yours,




Family and Emotional Reactivity

"Emotional reactiveness in a family, or other group that lives or works together, goes from one family member to another in a chain reaction pattern."                                                  Murray Bowen, 1971

Have you noticed how when one family member becomes anxious and upset about something the feeling reverberates through the entire family? Your family is an emotional system. In order to understand what's going on with any particular family member, the entire relationship system needs to be undestood as completely as possible.

Marriage and family therapists are specifically trained in systems thinking and can help you understand how anxiety may be flowing through your family system.

Intentionally yours,



The mysterious workings of the ADOLESCENT BRAIN- TED Talk by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore

For my dear husband and all the other parents out there who have a teenager (or maybe four, as in our case) in the house and just. do. not. get. whattheywerethinking when (insert behavior here)!!

When as parents we ask "Did you think about this?  Did you even use your brain?", sometimes teenagers' brains are busy pruning unused synaptic nerves, and they are just not developmentally ready to consider all the consequences or use the thoughtful judgment that you and I (as adults) are capable of (most of time...hehee). It's true! But don't worry, in this valuable TED Talk, Sarah-Jayne Blakemore assures us that it'll all fall in place.... By the time your precious little one is TWENTY-FOUR (choke, cough) he or she will hopefully be through with adolescence and able to maintain a "stable, independent role in society." THAT's the goal, right folks? (Have I mentioned that the 'experts' are adding a new 'life-cycle stage' in which adult children in their mid-twenties move back in with their parents due to it taking longer for young adults to become self-supporting in today's economy?...Some are calling it "economic adolescence"... that's another blog entry).

This vid is about 15 minutes, but well worth the watch. Since initially watching it a few months ago, I have referred back to it several times.... to remind myself of where my darlings are at developmentally. Seriously good info here!

Intentionally yours,




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